I have had a bad couple of days. E has been throwing screaming fits when she leaves preschool and it sets off my nerves. Twice now, I have been in a good mood and full of energy to get things done around the house, only to have those tantrums of hers suck all of the positive energy out of me and make me want to cry. Then, I eat.
Maybe I needed this to happen in order to show myself just how much of an emotional eater I am. It was like drawing a straight line between the stress, my sadness and me stuffing my mouth with food and candy. I need to learn how to cope with this in a way that doesn't involve food.
I am sick of my house being unorganized and a mess. From now on, only her kitchen and one crate of toys will be downstairs. Everything else is going in her room. The living room is no longer a play room. Also, no more watching TV until it is time for bed. I am going to get her room in order this weekend so that she can come home, watch tv while she eats dinner, then go up for her bath and play in her room while I work on/in mine.
Not only is her behavior a trigger for me to start eating, but so is sitting on the coach for hours a night while she watches TV. Just being downstairs and close to that kitchen is causing me to think about food.
I didn't eat dinner one night this week and the entire next day I was absolutely starving. No more of that.
I am going to get my desk together this weekend as well. My laptop will be set up at my desk and so will my paperwork and printer. I need to find a chair.
I am going to make a list each week of what needs to happen for me to have peace in my life. The things listed above is a start.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Day 3
It is day 3 of my 1200 calorie diet. I haven't had Mt. Dew since the weekend. It is obvious now that the junk was giving me headaches. I am used to taking about 2-3 grams of tylenol a day and have only taken it once in the past 3 days. I was literally making myself sick with the junk food.
It is odd how confident I feel just by having control of this small thing. I am getting a lot done at work. I am not overwhelmed or stressed about my workload. It definitely helps to eat a normal amount of food and to make it healthy as opposed to whatever I can find in a fast food restaurant or vending machine.
I need to go over my budget tonight. I will feel better after I have it planned out.
It is odd how confident I feel just by having control of this small thing. I am getting a lot done at work. I am not overwhelmed or stressed about my workload. It definitely helps to eat a normal amount of food and to make it healthy as opposed to whatever I can find in a fast food restaurant or vending machine.
I need to go over my budget tonight. I will feel better after I have it planned out.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Here we go
I don't know where to begin so I guess that I will just start to type.
Today was my first day following Bob Harper's plan. I am on 1200 calories. It took a lot of planning and food prep yesterday but it paid off. I ate well today and drank about 100 oz of water. I am not hungry and it is 6:30 at night. I am 5'9'' and 261 pounds. I need to get this weight under control and get healthy.
I had 2 occasions today when I got stressed out and immediately had intense cravings for junk food. My life would have been better thus far if I had only been born one of those people who won't eat when they are upset, as opposed to someone who eats constantly for every emotion.
"E" threw a screaming fit at day care. I was so embarrassed. She is out of control. I don't want to spank her but I feel like I may not have a choice at this point. She doesn't listen. She screams and bites and kicks, even bites herself when she doesn't get her own way. I have to tell her to do something a dozen times. She just ignores me. I may need to look into therapy already. One of my biggest fears is that she ends up like her mother. I have to put a stop to that right now before this behavior has a chance to advance. I even enlisted my mother's help...that is how overwhelmed I have become.
I hate my job. The director who, 3 weeks ago, told me that she wanted me to meet her doctors...still hasn't called. I didn't even get an intervieew downstairs with the woman who I worked for for 6 months. My management team obviously doesn't care if they lose me. I am just a tool to them. That is why I am doing less and less work and letting the guys, who get paid like $10 an hour more than I do for doing the same job, handle it. I just need something more fulfilling that still pays well.
I am exhausted. It was a typical, tiring Monday but when "E" threw her fit, it just took all of the positive energy out of me. I want to eat something sweet. Mostly, I just want to go to sleep. I don't want to deal with it any more today. I am done typing. I am going to see if she will fall asleep early.
Today was my first day following Bob Harper's plan. I am on 1200 calories. It took a lot of planning and food prep yesterday but it paid off. I ate well today and drank about 100 oz of water. I am not hungry and it is 6:30 at night. I am 5'9'' and 261 pounds. I need to get this weight under control and get healthy.
I had 2 occasions today when I got stressed out and immediately had intense cravings for junk food. My life would have been better thus far if I had only been born one of those people who won't eat when they are upset, as opposed to someone who eats constantly for every emotion.
"E" threw a screaming fit at day care. I was so embarrassed. She is out of control. I don't want to spank her but I feel like I may not have a choice at this point. She doesn't listen. She screams and bites and kicks, even bites herself when she doesn't get her own way. I have to tell her to do something a dozen times. She just ignores me. I may need to look into therapy already. One of my biggest fears is that she ends up like her mother. I have to put a stop to that right now before this behavior has a chance to advance. I even enlisted my mother's help...that is how overwhelmed I have become.
I hate my job. The director who, 3 weeks ago, told me that she wanted me to meet her doctors...still hasn't called. I didn't even get an intervieew downstairs with the woman who I worked for for 6 months. My management team obviously doesn't care if they lose me. I am just a tool to them. That is why I am doing less and less work and letting the guys, who get paid like $10 an hour more than I do for doing the same job, handle it. I just need something more fulfilling that still pays well.
I am exhausted. It was a typical, tiring Monday but when "E" threw her fit, it just took all of the positive energy out of me. I want to eat something sweet. Mostly, I just want to go to sleep. I don't want to deal with it any more today. I am done typing. I am going to see if she will fall asleep early.
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